ambulances

let's not make this mercy killing into a tragedy if you mourn, i'll recover my grip on reality realize what i've done and i can't handle that responsibility i accepted my fate the first time i lost my mind knew i'd forever be stuck outside my head fought for a few years more, but now i'm done with this i will fall like the primaveral rain, soak the earth with my brittle rotting bones let the flesh decompose ease my mind, cleanse my soul tangled up in vacillation mania-white staining indigo perceptions the future never seemed so trivial (who said i couldn't live like this) wide-eyed, selectively hypersensitive i'm ignoring what li

if you could only ease my eyes from their sockets and pop them into your own head, unfettered, you would see the truth in my words. i've gone and spilled my guts here- the letters are viscera and blood upon the page. how brave they are to carry my sentiment, how strong to bear my burdens. dig into my intestines in an effort to understand- they are leaden, they are bags of sand- or is my immobility caused by the black hole in my gut? tonight i am the sidewalk, trodden on and grey, stained with yesterday's glut. i am sober tonight, i swear. it's you who swells and fails to understand what i am talking about. i will not watch myself f

each day staggers by in stuttered compromise. thunder crashes in my stormy eyes, but my wrath is surely wrapped up in the way i never cry, the way i won't admit how much i'd love to die. i am sick of this existence. i want to unzip my skin and flay it from my ribs, to let my bones step out of it. i've stopped feeding my demons. now they feast on my flesh. pain is my steadying hand and not my torment. you avert your eyes, but i love how i deserve it. if you knew me like i do- with no secrets- believe me, you'd hate me as much as i did. i'm better than i was, but still just a kid. one year older, none the wiser. i still want to die

there's a cavern in this cadaver. noise ricochets off hollow walls, intensifying the immense desire to initiate my demise. my soul split after the ellipsis tricked the will out of the innocent. i have little motivation and the voices make my head spin, leaving me wasted and short-changed at the frontline again. let me sink to the fourth regiment. take my bayonet- i have no need for it now, not when my skin sings for silver and i'm begging for the end. we won't be saved til we're dead, but corpses never know they're saved. i'll lay in torment in my grave long after dirt covers my face, but misery to me is commonplace, like my disgrace. "

two a.m. bitter winter wind. lick the bag. acrid taste. cold crawls in through windows cracked. it's snowing in the attic. angel hair on porcelain, point oh-one. frost blankets my nostrils, my brain sharp as first step's breath. i lighten. ravenous, dip fingers in nourishment. place on tongue: cleaning agent pixie stick. it eminates. bright-light vigor emulates childlike mindset, so wonderfully overwhelmed yet standing still, rock-steady at the helm. confidence swells. second time. stand in line for the second line, a second taste. dismissive sniff, as in a tiff. point oh-two; can't feel my face. icicles melt, drip burning down my throat.

let's spend the day in an opiated haze wrapped up in blankets, we'll float away you'll stutter and i'll shudder from the strength of this bliss like nothing i've ever experienced fend off the winter with this white powder's warmth your hand on the small of my back lie here flirting with unconsciousness hope the morning won't remind us of our ailments just take the pain away let us lay here we don't have to bang or bang the drugs we can lay here for as long as the feeling lasts don't need to escalate just stay here, warm, and let the night escape

i learned about loneliness last night, belatedly, because no one ever bothered to explain it to me- it was something best kept for the time it existed in the blank space where a hand had once been a soft shaky touch now absent the sorrow comes in sultry waves with the indigo tide of me missing your breath on the hollow in my sleepy neck, a whisper backandforth inandout and then a hitch, a twitch and the slow descent from sea-froth into dreamland we drifted, content, into the scared scarlet hills where nightmares roam where i made my home, knowing that in sleep your whispers still coated my pillowcase and i was not alone we s

i’m in a fight with gravity to the death- until my head rests, empty as my belly on this false-porcelain floor- porcelain skin waxy as laminate over these heavy hollow bones waiting for freedom liberation from this sullen casing i shake, manic blood pressure in the basement nauseous from anxiety and diet pills jittery, stare at the ceiling- a spider, stick-legged, teases me but here’s the silver lining: no curds and whey coating my shining insides i am stronger than ever as black swims in my vision light-headed from malnutrition as i wrap fingers around my wrists make sure i haven’t escaped my limits the mirror doesn&rsquo

"arson is always the answer" he says with a delinquent grin we're fucked and fucked up smashing our own storefront windows for the sake of the beauty in the shattered glass, in the crimson staining our skin we keep ourselves busy tending to our wounds then brag later, calling them battle scars in an attempt to counteract the pitying stares and then the disgust when it's learned their source is our own hateful hands just stroke our teenage egos, stoke the flames and we will continue to set your world ablaze we'll search for awe and distraction   fuck consequence you know we had no future anyways

let me intensify the outside for you to nullify the agony in your head drink up, shoot up, snort it all and i'll watch eagerly as your pupils contract, veins constrict as it sets in, and then the concentration, oversaturation of color and sensation, the distortion of time and of your entire reality- isn't this better than dreaming? on stimulants, everything is wonderful the bricks are beautiful until you hit them the bruises are gorgeous until you remember the pain and even then, they're just colors blooming upon your skin pause for a moment of clarity retreat from waking reverie and rediscover the mess you're in- an instant