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August 5, 2012
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my mother says i've been blessed
with bedroom eyes and broad shoulders
and the most wonderful hourglass figure,
my hips i can hold kids on.
i would be a good lover,
i never want to be a mother,
but at least i have broad shoulders.

my face is too round to ever be that of a man
and my hips will stick out no matter how much i lose
and when i lean forward there's a line dividing my chest in two
and both sides look female

and i crack open every time i have to check a gender off on a form
because i have to mark the wrong box
and every time i get my period i throw a fit
because it's a fucking punch to the face when i'm reminded.

yeah, when i was a kid i made mud pies
and i sit with my legs spread too wide
and i don't get gossip and other girly shit
but i'm still female, apparently

i am a boy, i am not a boy, i am not a boy
to your eyes but i'd like to be

is it considered a birth defect to feel so out of place
and if so, how can i make the pain go away?

it's all in your head,
they said- yeah, they said
but it's so damn real to me
so i've heard that when you're ready to come out, you can feel it. i think that time is coming, and holyfuckingshit it's scary, but at the same time, i'm already relieved.

i'm probably going to tell my mother tonight. i see my father in a week and i might tell him then, though he's less... liberal? than my mother is. then i'll probably come out to the public.

I AM GENDERQUEER. HEAR ME ROAR.

no, seriously, guys. the poem maybe seems a little too on the masculine side (not to mention that i wrote it at four in the morning so it's slightly shit) but i've been feeling really guyish lately. maybe i should go talk to some cute boy. that always makes me feel more girly.

haha, off to find a cute boy. comments? questions? rants? there's a little white box below this, type out your feelings.

TL;DR i'm genderqueer and i'm planning on coming out soon. also, i'm not proud of my writing skills at the moment. but i'm happyexcitedanxiousblarghh.

oh yeah, and psychosomatic's one of my favorite words. it means "all in your head", i case you're too lazybored to look it up.
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:iconjadite:
Jadite Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012
this was beautiful and i hope it all works out with your parents. <3
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:iconambulances:
ambulances Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student Writer
thank you! c: it did with my mom. i didn't tell my dad, though :s
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:iconjadite:
Jadite Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
ah. not yet?
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:iconmeggie272:
Meggie272 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah :heart: I love this. I wish you the best of luck, sweetheart.
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:iconambulances:
ambulances Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student Writer
thank you C: :heart:
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:iconkally8329:
kally8329 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's one of my favorite words. By far.

I also throw a fit when I get my period, but I suppose it's just because getting your period sucks haha. And I've been told I sit with my legs too far apart. And I'm pretty sure gossip is a load of bullshit. Also I think your dad will be just fine, don't worry.
I'mproudofyouandI'mbadatbeingemotionalwithpeoplebutI'mjustsuperexcitedforyougahhh
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:iconambulances:
ambulances Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student Writer
indeed. that and colloquy and atrophic.

ha, just because you act guyish doesn't mean you are a guy. those were just good examples XP

argh, i'm not sure. deviation confuses him. but thank you C:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Not entirely sure what genderqueer is, but in any case, GOOD LUCK!:icongoodluckplz:
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:iconambulances:
ambulances Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
i'm right in the middle of the gender spectrum. mentally, i'm half-guy, half-chick. and thank you! c:
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:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
OH, okay ^^ I always wonder, if, say, a boy is a trangender but likes a girl, is he a lesbian? And vice versa, if a girl is a transgender but likes boys, is she gay? Yeah, weird thoughts...and questions...^^;
>< I hope it does bring you luck!
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