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Writing by MatieuCanadaWilliams

poetryyy by towards-eternity

poems inspiring me to write my own by cristinewakesuphappy


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Submitted on
May 15, 2012
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i. descend

i've lost weight since we last met
we fit differently from before-
bird-thin, the both of us-
but this hollow in your feathered chest is
still where i feel most at home-
your jade eyes
a nest, to cultivate my happiness

i've been betrothed to the birds
you stayed back, earthbound
i fell, a cataract, from the red cliffs
you watched me sink, earthbound
i was ripped to shreds in the tundra
freezing and thirsty
and you listened instead to the flowers,
drowning me out as i whispered for help

they told you sunlight stories
when i was trapped in dusk
i was an inch from the edge of night
and you fled
so as to not be consumed.

ii. unpend

i know what i told myself-
i said i shed my mourning veil-
but i still weep for the morning lark,
your lightening song
haunting my brittle nightingale

i write you letters every night
with a fountain pen slathered in red ink
saying what i never could,
spilling my regret on the page

(wake up with bloody hands)

i should have known
you were no one to trust
you're just a fledgling

we're all so na´ve.

iii. the end

i take flight, for brave is the man
who would leap from the bluff
to prove his worth;
for i can take action now-
i can say this now,
where before i sat on the sidelines

i will not wilt
in your arms
just for a moment
i will hold you tight
my prisoner

thank you for keeping me alive
i don't need that anymore
thank you for staying by my side
when i had eyes set to kill

thank you for helping me to ascertain
that i'm no phoenix
thank you for participating in
my stupid guessing games

you were the match
to ignite my nicotine habits
but now i'm the one who's
decided to spark and fade

green-eyes,
i've made a decision
and this time i'll stick with it-
featherlight now,
i will make my escape
edit: edit.


my senior orchestra concert was last night. we played the piece i composed, and it was the best feeling in the world. when i finished it, i ran over to green-eyes and hugged him, saying thank you, thank you for soloing. he didn't hug me back.

maybe it was because he wasn't expecting it. maybe it was because his parents were right next to him. maybe it was because he had a cup of punch in his hand, or because he's just not a touchy person. but i'm pretty sure it was just me. i'm a dangerous girl. i'm unstable. and i'm not the girl he took to prom.

i immediately pulled away and said sorry. i don't think he heard me. then his little sister asked me to sign her program because for sure i was going to be a famous composer someday.

-
for you critiquers, because i'm selfish and i want feedback:


so much symbolism in this. is it good, or too much? do you even notice it?

do the three movements balance well?

is there a good distribution between florid/simple language?

anything else you want to comment on?

(do the pretty words cover up the angst enough? XD)
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Student Writer
so much symbolism in this. is it good, or too much? do you even notice it?

Oh my yes, loved the symbolism. stood out ver y well, especially the red ink one.

do the three movements balance well?

Yeah, they flow pretty well.

is there a good distribution between florid/simple language?

I would say so; although there were complex ideas presented it was very accessible :3 

anything else you want to comment on?

Be careful on the lack of punctuation at some lines. I found it very easy to read it as if with continuous enjambment, which I'm guessing wasn't your plan.
On the whole however, a beautiful (if not tragic) piece. Quite relatable too.
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:iconmeggie272:
Meggie272 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The symbolism in this is pretty damn lovely - birds and flight are a classic one, but it doesn't seem tired or cliche the way you've used it.
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:iconambulances:
ambulances Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Student Writer
i love birds- at least as a symbol in art, haha. and thank you! glad to know i can still breathe life into a perhaps-well-beaten-horse of a theme. XD
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:iconmeggie272:
Meggie272 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love birds both as a symbol in art and as their actual physical selves, they're lovely critters :)
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:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Section "i" is particularly captivating in its use of imagery. Section "iii" is also good, but "i" is still my favorite. The emotion in section "ii" is prominent, but could use a bit more creative imagery in order to fit with the rest of the poem. Overall, this is definitely worth favoriting! :)
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:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Also, the last time I hugged the girl who had been my entire world, she didn't hug me back.
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:iconunspecifiedunknown:
UnspecifiedUnknown Featured By Owner May 16, 2012   Writer
"i take flight,
for brave is the man
who would jump
to prove his worth;
for i can take action now-
i can say this now,
where before i sat on the sidelines"


stunning :heart:
Reply
:iconambulances:
ambulances Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Student Writer
thank you :heart:
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:iconjadite:
Jadite Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
also 'of glorious plumage' is amazing. i love it. <3
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:iconjadite:
Jadite Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
this is gorgeous. <3 it really is.
i'm glad you got to play the piece you composed (:
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